May, 1099 — The Long Night

I rest my head on mom's lap while she brushes my hair.

She sits against the head of my bed with the shark stuffed behind her back, and the sheep propped against my window for her headrest. With the sheep taken, the woolly Caprinae is snuggled in my arms instead, alongside the two Cautus ones.

The brush starts at my crown and goes all the way down to the ends. At my horns, it slows. Her fingertips go around the bases first, then the bristles follow.

Sun-drenched honey. Warm and slow.

Outside, Terra is still rolling past. A river there, a thin pale line in the dark. A cluster of black crystals there, darker than the night around them.

It is already May now, or so the clocks claim.

The rest of April was quite slow. Garden in the mornings, the Archives in the afternoons. The Archives are a lot quieter with Adele away in Leithanien.

I asked Podenco to teach me how to pot flowers.

She made me do it three times. The first pot cracked. The second one left more soil on the bench than in the pot.

Now the third one is sitting on my desk. A blue bell that smells faintly of sugar.

Podenco told me its name. I forgot it before I reached the elevator.

By the door, my pack sits ready and zipped.

The brush goes down again. And again.

Under the blanket, my tail curls around my ankle.

"Mom…"

The brush keeps going.

"Big deployments, like…" I turn my head on her lap to look up at her. My left horn drags it the rest of the way. "Like Lungmen. What happens there?"

"You were at the Victorian camp for two weeks back in February," I add.

I still remember. Two weeks without mom's honey. She left me in Hibiscus's care, once again. Two weeks of nutritionally complete sludge.

Mom's hand pauses. Just for a second.

"Well, you see." The brush starts again. "The Medics are responsible for distributing the medical supplies. Monitoring Oripathy and infection. And everything in between."

"So… basically what we do when they are on the landship?"

"Correct. But out there, we need to ration everything."

She works the brush around the base of my right horn.

"I am sure Sussurro and Hibiscus will walk you through the basics once you are there. Don't worry, Lita."

Sun-drenched honey. No rot underneath.

"I won't, mom."

Mom and I are both silent.

The brush goes down again. Outside, the river is gone, and the crystals with it. Only the dark plain rolls past now.

I count the roster on my fingers inside my sleeve.

Franka is on my slate. A photo and a few lines, from a trip to the barrens I don't remember.

Liskarm isn't. Amiya told me she is Franka's partner from Blacksteel, and a Defender. That's all I know.

Rope flew me home from Lungmen. I kept my eyes shut most of the way.

"Zones where a heavy Field Ops presence is required without active combat." Rosmontis read it to me off her slate. I still don't get it.

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Why do we need so many Field Ops?"

A spike of cold iron runs through the honey.

"In the barrens, Lita, everything is scarce." The brush slows. "What do we produce the most?"

I know this one.

"Suppressants and pharmaceuticals," I recite. "We ship them to our branches and major cities weekly."

Lisa told me that one. She was very proud of it, too. All nine of her tails swished at once.

"Yes, my little Lita." Mom's fingers comb through the ends of my hair. "Those are quite expensive, even for the city-dwellers. For the people in the barrens…"

She doesn't finish.

"Oh…"

Starving ash. Cracked earth. Dust where water should be.

"I hope…" My fingers sink into the Caprinae's wool. "I hope they don't mind me being there."

"What do you mean, Lita?"

"I was there at the riot… and I am a Sarkaz…"

The words are already out.

Mom stops completely. The brush hangs in the air above my head.

The honey is almost gone now. Under what's left of it, cold iron, and the bitter pith of a grapefruit.

She sets the brush down on the blanket. Her hands find my shoulders, and she lifts me up off her lap and turns me around until I'm facing her. Knee to knee. The Caprinae is squashed between us.

Her light purple eyes don't leave mine.

"What do you mean you were there?"

"I was… I was there…" My voice cracks halfway. "In Lungmen! On the day!"

I hide my fingers in my sleeves.

"Lita."

"I…"

"Tell mom."

Her hands stay on my shoulders. Steady.

"We caused the riot…"

Then I let it out.

The border. The caravan we drove past, the one Texas said wasn't our problem. The shield lines. The refugees.

The crossing. The officer at the checkpoint, and the way his eyes stopped on my horns.

"We had to rush it, because the L.G.D. saw me." My voice keeps going without me. "Exusiai kept driving, really fast. And the refugees… they went for the barricades…"

Starving ash, all at once, through the rover's windows. Croissant yelling to step on it.

And we did.

I stop there.

She picks me up off the mattress and wraps herself around me. Tight.

The Caprinae and the two Cautus tumble off the bed.

"It is hard… to breathe… mom."

She doesn't let go.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice breaks, right by my ear. "I could have lost you!"

Something wet hits my shoulder.

Then again.

I wrap my arms around her. The feathers at her temple brush my cheek.

I run my hand up and down her back. Slowly. My sleeve slides down over my fingers, so I do it through the sleeve.

"I am here, mom…" I say into her shoulder. "I am here…"

Lisa's sugar first. Crystallized, full of sunshine. Then Amiya's spun sugar. Then Theresa's sweet milk, without the salt.

I give it all to her. Slowly, the way the brush goes down.

Mom sobs for a while.

I keep my hand going up and down her back.

Then, slowly, the sobbing stops.

Her breathing evens out against my shoulder. The grapefruit fades first. The cold iron stays.

She pulls back, just far enough to see me. Her eyes are red. Her feathers are a mess.

I lift my sleeve and wipe her cheek with it.

She catches my hand through the fabric and holds it there.

"I am going to Lungmen, too."

Sun-drenched honey, coming back. Thick, and set.

I want to say no…

I cannot.

"Okay, mom…"

She hugs me again. Her cheek is still wet against mine.

Crushed wildflowers seep into her honey.

"I am sorry, mom… I lied…"

You are still lying, Lita.

It tastes like ash.

"Mom… please don't cry…"

She doesn't answer. She just holds on.

So I hug her back.

I am not sure how long it is.

Outside, the dark keeps rolling past my window.

"Mom," I say eventually. "You need to pack too. This deployment is going to take a month."

She lets out a wet hiccup.

Then she lets go of me. Not all the way. Her hands stay on my shoulders, and under her left hand my hoodie is still damp where she cried.

"Promise me." Her voice is hoarse. "You won't lie like this again."

"I…"

I look at mom's puffy eyes.

"I promise."

Mom gives me one more squeeze.

"Are you eating enough, Lita?"

"I eat veggies every day!" I say. "One hundred percent not a lie, mom!"

The honey fizzes. Just a little.

"What about proteins?"

"I… think I do?"

"You think?"

"Well," mom says. "At least I get to see every meal you eat for the next month."

My tail wraps around the sheep plushie on the mattress.

Mom lets go of me.

"I will go pack now, Lita."

She gets up and picks the dropped plushies up off the floor. The Caprinae and the two Cautus. She sets them back on my bed one by one. Then she pulls the shark out from behind where she was sitting and tucks it into my arms.

At the door, she stops.

"Sleep well, my little Lita. See you tomorrow."

Sun-drenched honey, all the way back.

"Good night, mom."

I grab the orange Vulpo and set her by my pillow, with the Caprinae and the two Cautus.

Mom's squishy cake goes in the brown one's lap.

Then I hug the shark, snout to tail, and look out my window.

The horizon is dark. Terra keeps rolling past it anyway.

Then, in the distance, I spot faint lights.

Searchlights?

Is there a nomadic city nearby?

I squint hard and wriggle closer to the window, dragging the shark with me. My left horn knocks against the glass.

The landship rolls on, and the lights grow clearer. They don't sweep like searchlights. They come and go, pulsing. Gold. Yellow. Orange. It is hard to tell.

Originium.

I look slightly above the lights.

Flash.

Thunder. Faint, through the hull. The glass hums against my horn.

I squeeze the shark harder.

Adele told me about this before, in the Archives. The glow in the ground. The lightning above it.

This has to be a Catastrophe.

My slate lights up on the desk, next to the blue bell.

Sora's ribbon lies beside it, where mom set it down after she untied my hair.

I reach over without letting go of the shark.

[System Alert]: Catastrophe trajectory update. Heading: Saitenbrück. The Catastrophe is projected to damage city infrastructure.

Under the alert, unread messages. Lisa and Podenco.

Lisa is getting ready to leave for Higashi. Podenco has been shortlisted for the planned relief operation in Leithanien.

I type the same thing to each of them.

[Lethe]: Stay safe.

[Suzuran]: Good luck on your deployment tomorrow!

[Lethe]: Stay safe.

[Podenco]: Don't cause too much trouble in the camp.

I put my slate down on the blanket.

Everyone is getting busy again.

I look back out at the Catastrophe. The glow has spread. The flashes come closer together now.

I reach for the woolly Caprinae and pull it in next to the shark. The soft brown of Adele's hair.

Then I press my palm against the glass. It's cold.

My breath fogs it.

Adele… are you safe out there?

Then my slate lights up again.

I catch a quick look before the screen goes dark.

[Caladria]: I completely forgot. Set an alarm for 0400, Lita.

I pick the slate up.

[Lethe]: 0400????

[Caladria]: Yes. Lungmen is a long flight away. We will be leaving early to arrive before the predicted Catastrophes cut off the airspace. We leave at 0440.

My tail drops onto the blanket.

[Lethe]: Can I just not sleep then? I can sleep on the flight.

[Caladria]: Absolutely not. It is almost 2000 now. If you sleep now, you will still get eight hours of sleep.

[Lethe]: It is so early…

[Caladria]: Lita.

Just my name. I can hear exactly how she would say it.

[Lethe]: I will sleep now! Good night, mom!

I set the alarm for 0400. Then I put the slate face down and pull the blanket up over the shark, the Caprinae and me.

Beep, beep, beep.

I move my hand around, trying to find my slate.

My hand finds nothing. Just blanket.

Beep, beep, beep.

"Uhm…"

I lift my head. My left horn drags it sideways off the pillow.

No glow anywhere.

Right. I put it face down.

I flip my slate over.

0402.

I need to get ready.

[Caladria]: Lita, are you awake?

Sent two minutes ago.

[Lethe]: Yes, mom.

[Caladria]: Meet me at the cafeteria when you are ready. Bring the ribbon. I will tie it for you there. We are short on time this morning.

[Lethe]: Okay.

I take off my hoodie. The sleeping kitten on the front is a little crumpled, and the shoulders still have faint salt stains.

I walk over and drop it into the laundry basket.

Too bad I cannot bring this on the deployment…

Right. Time, Lita! Focus.

I shower quickly and skip washing my hair today. Susie cut it back in late March, so it isn't that bad.

Skort. Tee. Socks. Boots. The zipper on the left boot catches halfway up, and the fasteners take two tries.

Belt. Pouches. Communicator in. My Arts Unit clicks into place at the back.

Jacket.

Then the collar. The clasp takes more tries than it should. I wait in front of the mirror until the readout glows steady blue, the way mom always does.

I slide my slate into my bag and grab the ribbon.

Okay. Ready.

I head out the door.

It hisses shut behind me.

Wait…

My pack!

I dig my ID card out of my jacket and tap it on the reader. The door hisses open again.

My pack is right where I left it, by the doorway. I grab it and swing it onto my back.

Then I run.

The corridors are almost empty at this hour. My boots echo all the way to the cafeteria.

Sun-drenched honey, from somewhere ahead.

Then two I don't know.

Carbonated ginger ale, spiked with the metallic heat of a thermal grill.

Strong black tea, no sugar. And on the tip of my tongue, a tingle, like licking a battery.

Mom is standing outside the cafeteria doors with two other Operators.

One is a Vulpo. Long auburn hair, a cream jacket with the sleeves rolled up, black sports leggings, and the hilt of a sword sticking up over her shoulder. From one of the straps on her jacket, a tiny doll swings back and forth: silver hair, two dark horns.

The other is a Vouivre. Silver hair tied to one side, dark horns, red eyes. A blue jacket over black, an ID badge clipped to her chest, and a scaled tail traced with thin blue lines. Beside her stands a black shield, scuffed all over, with BLACK STEEL stenciled across its face.

The tiny doll looks kinda like her.

They must be Blacksteel.

"I'm telling you, Liskarm, you're way too stiff," the Vulpo says to the Vouivre. "There's nothing wrong with wearing something a bit more comfortable on a long deployment."

The Vouivre only manages a sigh.

The black tea doesn't change. The tingle sparks, just once.

Liskarm. Then the Vulpo must be Franka, from my slate.

She notices me before I can say anything. Her head turns my way, and the ginger ale fizzes up.

"See? Even Lethe has a new outfit." She waves her whole hand at me. "You should consider wearing something new. It's called fashion, Liskarm."

I look down at my jacket.

I have worn it every day since December.

"Good morning, Lita," mom says.

Under her honey, something tart. Spoiled berries.

"Good morning, mom." I turn to the other two and bow slightly. "Good morning, Franka. Good morning, Liskarm."

"Good morning," Liskarm says.

"Morning," Franka adds. "Little one."

"Let's get our coffee," mom says. "We need to be at the flight deck in ten."

Franka and Liskarm nod.

I follow them in.

The cafeteria is completely empty. Half the long lights are off under the mesh ceiling, and the yellow lines on the floor run between rows of empty pale tables. The steel warmers hum to themselves.

I grab my warm milk. I don't even ask.

Then I check the bakery section.

Yesterday's leftovers are still there, at the very end. The bread rolls with tiny rice cakes inside.

I look back at mom. She is still at the coffee station with Franka and Liskarm, her back to me.

No time to find the biggest one.

I quickly grab a roll.

The roll is cold and a little stiff from sitting out all night. I don't care.

Just as I am stuffing the roll into my mouth, I hear a little sigh.

Sun-drenched honey. Right behind me.

I freeze, both cheeks full. Soft bread, and somewhere in the middle, the chewy bit of rice cake, stuck to my teeth.

I turn around slowly.

Mom is standing there with a paper cup in her hand, steam curling out of the little hole in the lid. Over her shoulder, Franka hides a grin behind her own cup. Liskarm just sips hers.

"I suppose that at least counts as you eating breakfast," mom says.

My tail wags just a little.

"For today."

It stops before it really begins.

I chew. The rice cake takes its time going down.

"Come, Lita. Let's go."

Mom turns for the doors, and Franka and Liskarm fall in behind her.

I tap my ID card at the checkout terminal on my way past, the rest of the roll between my teeth.

I follow them into the elevator.

The doors slide shut. Mom hands her cup to Franka and checks my pack again. The zipper at the top, then the side pockets, then the top again.

She stops.

"You packed your leg warmers too." Mom smiles a bit.

Light blue, folded on top of my clothes.

I wash the bread down with my milk before I can answer.

"We might need them! For sleeping." I lick the milk off my lip. "I don't get to wear them anymore, because my Operator uniform has boots."

She zips the pack shut and takes her cup back.

"Alright, my little Lita. Where's the ribbon?"

I pull it out of my jacket pocket. It is a little crumpled.

Mom quickly gathers my hair. Her fingers sweep my fringe to the right, the satin slides around once at my nape, and before I know it, it is done.

"There."

The elevator dings, almost right on cue.

The doors open, and wind rushes in. Cold, and loud with engines warming up. My jacket flaps against my legs. The new bow tugs at my nape.

Parchment and sweet mint, buzzing with static. Dark chocolate and black coffee. Floral nectar with a bite of eucalyptus. Salted plum and sour candy.

The sky is still dark. Floodlights wash over the flight deck from the bridge.

Eleanor has changed for this deployment too.

No big black jacket today. A white blouse with wide sleeves under a dark buttoned waistcoat, a thin green ribbon tied at her collar, and black gloves. A green plaid sash is knotted at her waist, and two long dark ribbons trail from it, snapping in the wind. A pleated skirt with a plaid panel down one side. Black stockings, brown loafers. A long tube hangs at her hip, with a strip of glass in the middle. Her light grey hair is down, long and wavy, and the wind keeps throwing it over one eye.

"Morning!" Eleanor waves. "I got this a few months ago! It fits, since we are just staying in a camp this time." She turns halfway, and the ribbons whip around her legs. "What do you think, Lita?"

Behind me, Franka nudges Liskarm with her elbow. Liskarm sighs.

"It looks great on you, Eleanor."

The static buzzes.

Sussurro and Hibiscus are already checking the supplies, crates stacked by the ramp. Hibiscus counts them off on a slate. Sussurro lifts one lid, looks inside and shuts it again.

Rope leans with her back against the VTOL, a coil of braided black rope over her shoulder.

My tail tucks against my calves.

Spiced pear and sharp clove, wrapped in polished leather. From the other side of the deck.

The hatch of the second VTOL swings open, and a Kuranta hops down onto the deck. Long ears, a long tail, gloved hands.

I dig my slate out of my bag and scroll through my profiles until her photo comes up.

Whislash.

"Alright, everyone's here!" Her voice carries over the engines with a bright lilt. "The pilots say the VTOLs are ready, and we are right on schedule."

Pilots. Pilots are good.

She stops in front of us and claps her gloved hands once.

"Listen up. Quick briefing today, since you will get most of the information from the camp director when you land."

Everyone stops what they are doing. Hibiscus lowers her slate. Sussurro lets the lid of the crate drop shut. Rope pushes off the VTOL.

I stand closer to mom.

"At this point, we still consider the camp a high-risk zone," Whislash says. The lilt is gone. "It is approximately five kilometers from Lungmen's current stationary coordinates, surrounded by mostly open terrain. The L.G.D. has declined to offer any support."

I pull my sleeves down over my fingers.

Mom's hand settles on my shoulder.

"We don't expect any attacks, given how close the camp is to Lungmen. Still, stay on your guard." Whislash looks over each of us in turn. "And best behavior, everyone."

"Any questions?"

Franka raises her hand. "How's the food at the camp?" Her tail swishes behind her. "And is there any shampoo for fur?"

Beside her, Liskarm closes her eyes.

I want to know about the food too.

"You'll just have to see for yourself." The lilt is back. "Now, get the crates loaded, and yourselves in the VTOL, before I have to explain to Doctor and Amiya why the camp didn't get its new rotation."

Everyone moves at once.

Crates first. Liskarm carries two at once and doesn't even look like she is trying. I carry one small box of bandages up the ramp, and Rope takes it off me at the top.

Then we file in.

The cabin is long and narrow, with benches along both walls and the crates strapped down in the middle. Mom sits me down by the wall and takes the seat on my left. Eleanor drops in on my right and gathers her ribbons into her lap. Across from us, Franka stretches her legs out as far as the crates let her, and Liskarm sits beside her, back straight. Rope sits at the end, the coil of rope in her lap.

Sussurro and Hibiscus are with the second VTOL.

I pull at the harness. The buckle doesn't want to go in.

Mom reaches over and clicks it shut, the way she zips my boots.

The ramp rises and seals with a thud. The engines climb, louder and louder, until I feel them in my horns.

Then the floor pushes up under me, and the landship drops away.

I don't close my eyes this time. Not right away.

Through the porthole past Franka's shoulder, the landship's lights shrink to a cluster, then a line, then nothing. Only the dark plain is left.

It isn't even five yet.

My eyes get heavy. The engines hum through the bench, steady.

I let my left horn drag my head the rest of the way onto mom's shoulder. She shifts a little.

Sun-drenched honey. Warm and slow.

I don't remember falling asleep.